Dear Grief

Dear Grief,

I hate that you come to visit me, uninvited and unannounced, barging into my life like an unwelcome guest. I knew you would show up at some point today but did it have to be so damn early? You show up at the worst times, turning my world upside down when I least expect it. It feels like you take pleasure in catching me off guard, in making me stumble just when I think I’ve found some semblance of balance.

And yet, I can’t deny the memories you bring with you. The bittersweet recollections that flood my heart, the moments I cherish even as they bring tears to my eyes. Those memories are precious, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are all I have left of him, and I cling to them with everything I have. But why, Grief, do you have to come so suddenly, so rudely? Why can’t you wait to be invited, to show up when I’m ready, when I’ve had a moment to brace myself for your arrival?

You have this way of twisting the knife, making me relive the pain, the loss, over and over again. I know I can’t keep you away forever maybe I don’t even want to, because with you comes the memory of him, the love we shared, the life we built together. But I wish you’d give me a little more warning, a little more control over when you decide to show up. It’s not fair, the way you just push your way in, forcing me to deal with you whether I’m ready or not.

I know you’re a part of life, a part of loss, a part of love even. But damn it, Grief, sometimes I wish you’d take a step back, give me some space. Let me be the one to decide when to walk down memory lane, instead of dragging me there whenever you please.

But here you are, and here I am, facing you once again. I’ll do what I always d do embrace the memories, cry the tears, and let you wash over me until you’ve had your fill. But next time, maybe just knock first. Let me decide if I’m ready to open the door.

Sincerely,

TonyaLe

©2024TonyaLe

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